Jihad of the Soul: Singlehood in Muslim America

Let's face it; women do not know how to properly pick a man that is best for them since it's an emotional decision in picking a partner (it almost always is). It's like buying a house. You see it and feel all these things and if it hits the heart a certain way then you want it and you already see it as being yours. The reality is that the house may have everything you want but not necessarily everything you need. The same goes with men. They may look great and have lots of money, but they may also not give two cents about you, your issues, feelings, your family, and so on.

  The nuts and bolts of what a man needs to perpetuate a good relationship is usually overlooked by emotions and feelings that people supposedly "never had before." This, amongst many other reasons is why proper male development is so important in our communities. The absence of a properly developed male in a relationship can spell disaster not just for the relationship currently, but also for relationships to come for at least the next 2 generations. That is because the children that come out of this relationship see the examples and modeling that are put on by the male and female. As much as we do not like to think about it, the child internalizes both the positive and the negative aspects of the relationship. Now keep in mind, I am not only talking about marriage, as many people have children outside of wedlock. Most of the positive and negative habits and characteristics are carried on to the partner that the child chooses and thus many more negative habits get perpetuated.

So there is a need, a tremendous need for the properly developed male. A path towards proper male development was purported in Jihad of the Soul by Zarinah El-Amin Naeem.  The first thing a guy needs is principles. I do not simply mean that these are principles he talks about to look good or some inconsistent constructs that are used when in a fit of rage. I mean that these are consistent and steadfast patterns and ideas that this man stands by no matter what situation arises. An example of this is a level of respect. If a man has a constant level of respect for women, children, and himself will alleviate many problems that exist in our societies. However, since we objectify ourselves and our women, this principle is not met and thus we cannot properly develop. Nonetheless, through struggle and perseverance we need to instill those principles and if able to do so, we need to move to the next stage.

The second stage of proper male development is fortitude. Fortitude is the resistance to succumb to external messages and temptations. It is simply the ability to tell someone or something on the outside "NO!" for the sake of defending and upholding your own principles. Let's be honest, there are lots of temptations out there and not all of it is from females. The peers and the pressure they empress upon us is a temptation as well. Many times you may not look at a woman as very attractive, but through other males' (like our friends) lust for that same woman, they have in effect hypersexualized this woman who once meant nothing to you. Now, the only meaning she has is a sexual one and a part of you wants to know that you can get that person for the development of your own self esteem in relation to your peers. There are many obstacles like those and different ones. Fortitude is the ability to say no inside your heart when your other whims are telling you "yes." Fortitude is the strength to withstand the temptation and the barrage of messages that will ultimately emasculate you. Most men get caught up in this stage and never really get out for the remainder of their lifetimes. However, through perseverance and development, one can move past this stage.

We then come to composure. Composure is much harder and a more consistently daunting task than fortitude. Composure is the ability to consistently control yourself and your urges and desires INTERNALLY. You are always with you 24 hours a day 7 days a week. There is no place where you can go and hide from yourself. People can hide from other people, but not their own desires. Thus this is a much more daunting and difficult task than that of saying 'no' to the external forces around you. We all have things inside of ourselves. Some things we share with other people and other things that we keep all to ourselves. The reality is that everything that we think and feel about females is very real to us and it is always there. We have sex drives, fetishes, fantasies, characteristics, emotions both light and dark that are always there with us in an infinite array of combinations. Composure is the ability to fight the temptations, urges, demons, and desires that were already inside of us, or harmful things to our manhood that were internalized from the outside. Either way, it is about maintaining our principles. Whatever we have to overcome on the inside, it must be done because there are always people out there who will give in to our desires. That is what keeps us from being men and getting the respect that we deserve. So composure is the internal battle within ourselves that we must go through and is tremendously hard to uphold our principles. If we are able to do that, then we can go to the next level.

The next level is that of Submission. The submission I speak of is not simply doing what your woman tells you every single time. Submission to the creator is the last phase, but ultimate submission. You have the principles, you have gained control of the outside world from hindering your development through fortitude, you have power over your internal dynamics through composure, so you are now in a position where the world has no power over your potential of manhood, but now the power comes from God. This stage of composure is so pivotal in that it can make or break us forever by one simple and subtle characteristic: Arrogance. When you feel you have power over your situation externally and internally, then arrogance is around the corner. You must put the source of your power my brethren in a source that is infinite. You must draw from the power through a source that is infinite. Think about an ATM. Think about an ATM which links to a bank account that has an infinite amount of money, just no end. But to tap into that account, you have to have a certain card with a certain number to access those resources. If you do not, then the ATM and the account will not let you in, which will ultimately leave you, with nothing. Submission is the card and account number we need to draw from this infinite source of power. This is submission to the situations we are in, the good things that our women need from us things that our children need, our communities, our parents and families, and so on. It will not feel good all the time. Arguably it will not feel good most of the time, but in the end, through submission to God, we get a power and a peacefulness that the whole world wants from us in their own special ways and thus we have achieved Manhood in its complete sense. That completeness is what give us internal power and joy and has the similar affect on friends, family, and loved ones who come into contact with us. That is Manhood.