Muslim Singlehood

Preface..........................................    xi
Acknowledgments...........................    xiii


Introduction: Between Desire and Faith

Designing the study
Background On Singlehood In America Versus Islam
Christian Singles

So what did i do?
The Interviews
Participant Observation And Review Of Cultural Documents
Reflections On My Perspective And Style
The Writing

Inside the book



PART I: Background

Chapter 1: Identities, Youth, and American Muslims   

Identity
Being American Muslim
Hybridity and Identity Politics
Young People Change Society
Islamic Anchor
Chapter Summary

Chapter 2: The Cultural Wombs that Bore Us
Womb 1: Islam
The Quran and the Prophet Muhammad
Living as a Muslim

Womb 2: America (Land of Freedom, Sex, and Politics)
Individualism 
The Glamorization of Sex
Islamophobia

Womb 3: Family Values and Ethnic Expectations 
Religiosity
Ethnicity/Race
Gender

Chapter Summary    48
Reflections    49



PART II: Eight Reasons  Many American Muslims  Dislike Singlehood

Chapter 3: Reason 1: To Be or Not to be Muslim    53
The Popular Guy    54
Living a Dual Life    57
To Marry Or Not To Marry    61
Reflections    63

Chapter 4: Reason 2: I’ve got needs    65
Loneliness    65
Dating    68
Solutions    71
Sex and the Single Muslim    73
Promiscuous Virgins    75
Suppressing the Desire    76
Reflections    78

Chapter 5: Reason 3:The Pressure Is Overwhelming!    79
Internalizing Shame    81
Reflections    82

Chapter 6: Reason 4: I Don’t Know How to Talk to the Opposite Sex!    83

Experiencing a Strictly Gendered Mosque    84
Why Segregate?    86
Redefining Gender Interactions    88
“Strictly Business”    90
Mixed-Gender Conversations    90
Reflections    92

Chapter 7: Reason 5:  I Need a B.A., Money, and/or Career Before I Marry    93
Education    93
Money    94
Career    96
Reflections    97

Chapter 8: Reason 6: I Have High Expectations    99
What a Muslim Man Desires in a Wife    101
A Muslima    101
A Doomsday Girl    102
A Righteous Hijabi    103
A Different Background    105
What a Muslim Woman Desires in a Husband    107
An Educated, Egalitarian Who Is Not Afraid of Housework    107
Money    108
“Convertibles” - Marrying Non-Muslims    110
Reflections    115

Chapter 9: Reason 7: I Need Help Finding a Spouse    117
Family    118
Arranged Marriages    119
The Masjid    121
CyberIslam    123
Reflections    125

Chapter 10: Reason 8: Family Won’t accept Cultural Differences    127

Tariq—A Man Who May Never Marry    127
Rahma and Isam—A Story of Love on Hold    129
Exogamy—A Shift in Marital Traditions    135
     Reflections--------------------------------------------------------------136


            SUMMARY OF PART II    137

PART III: Conclusions and Action Steps

Chapter 11: Easing the Path of Singlehood    141
Healthy American Muslim Hybrid Identities    141
Open Dialogue and Removing the Stigma    143
A New Breed of Muslim Organizations—Seven Shades    146
Marriage in Stages:    147
Nikah Now, Sex and Marriage Later    147
Community Shift    149

Chapter 12: Conclusions: Living Muslim Singlehood in the Third Space    151

Does the Third Space end?    153
Cultural Evolution    153
Changing the Muslim Community    154
Is Marriage Dying?    154
Changing America    155
The Myth of “Muslim First”    156
Limitations and Next Steps    157
Gay and Lesbian Muslims    157




Appendices

A Letter to the Brothers    163
A Letter to the Sisters    169
On the Journey to Marriage    173
So You Wanna Know™    177
Glossary    181
Bibliography    185
Reading Group Guide    191